Archive for the ‘Just thought you should know’ Category

After I quit my full-time job, I was determined to blog more. In the start of the new year, I made a resolution to blog once a week. Now, here I am eight months since quitting and almost six months into 2018, writing my first blog post. And it’s about a trip I took a month ago!

In any case, during my travels through three major cities across eastern Canada, I was inspired to write. Here are my observations…

  1. Canadians are super friendly! I met so many nice people during my travels.
  2. They have great coffee and coffee shops. While there, I became obsessed with Second Cup.
  3. Tim Horton’s was not one of those great coffee shops. It’s equivalent to a greasy fast-food joint, with the same smell, low-quality food and stale dining area.
  4. Everyone speaks French as a primary language in Montreal. I wasn’t expecting its prominence, but really liked how it made me feel like I was in a far-away country.
  5. If you’re dining alone, the restaurant staff absolutely do not want you taking up a table. I was offered the bar first every time, and a couple places wouldn’t even let me sit at a table after I requested one over the bar.
  6. The cities shut down on Sundays. Both downtown Ottawa and parts of downtown Toronto were dead on Sunday.
  7. A lot of people smoke. I’m going to blame the French influence.
  8. Poutine is not that great. I prefer cheese or chili on my fries to gravy any day.
  9. Meanwhile, Beaver Tails live up to their hype. And now the franchise is headed to the states thanks to a gentleman I met at a Montreal bar who recently purchased eight with the intention of US expansion.
  10. Most restaurants, including non-fast food, cook their burgers on flattops instead of grills. I noticed this on a few menus and could taste the distinct flavor in mine at a gourmet burger joint.
  11. It’s freakin’ expensive here. Even though the US dollar goes further, prices are high on average and then everything incurs a 13% tax.
  12. The shoulder months are not good for visiting. My friend warned me, but it wasn’t until I was there in April that I truly saw how wet and ugly everything was. I can imagine how beautiful it is in the winter and summer when the ground and trees are covered in snow or greenery, respectively. The other downfall was that a lot of things were closed in the off  season.

Verdict: I had a great trip and would definitely go back to Toronto. I absolutely loved that city! I’d give Montreal another chance, especially because Old Montreal is really cool. Ottawa is only worth a stop if you’re passing through to or from Montreal and Toronto.


It amazes me how intensely people debate on social media and how willing people are to berate friends over status updates and comments. But that’s what our society has become. People can easily hide behind their profiles and argue to the death without having to face their opponents – who may actually be their close friends. And gone are the days of sharing something without hearing an alternate opinion or even pissing someone off.

I was aware of all of this when I recently shared an article on Facebook, and I knowingly opened myself up to opinions and even ridicule by posting it. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t shocked by the level of attention (mostly negative) that it got.

Two weeks ago, a United Airlines passenger was yanked off a full flight that was preparing for takeoff to Louisville, Kentucky. He was the fourth of four passengers who were (mostly) randomly selected among the economy class to disembark and take the next day’s flight to accommodate four flight crew who needed to get to the destination to make a flight they were scheduled to work.

At face value it doesn’t seem right that paying customers were bumped to make room for staff, but ensuring these crew members arrived to the flight destination on time meant avoiding a potential chain reaction of delayed or even cancelled flights – and, thus, hundreds of inconvenienced, pissed off passengers.

I don’t know the procedure for when flight crew call in sick and can’t make it to work. But again, at face value, four fewer people for the connecting flight meant it wasn’t going anywhere.

So, back to the passenger.

When his unlucky seat number was chosen to take the next day’s flight, he decided he wasn’t moving. So much that a federal officer had to board the flight and remove him … or “reaccommodate” him as United CEO Oscar Munoz put it.

What happened at this point is what caused a social media uproar and frenzy of debates.

Because the passenger vehemently refused to leave his seat, holding tightly to his seat and screaming, the officer “had” – I put had in quotes because I don’t know enough about the law to know if that was standard protocol – to remove him. The passenger hadn’t committed a crime, but the situation quickly escalated to one that didn’t appear too different from someone resisting arrest.

In one of my comments of the many that populated my Facebook post, I likened his behavior to that of a toddler midtantrum, kicking and screaming. I immediately got called out for that. No, I guess I can’t confirm that he was kicking, but he was definitely screaming and resisting with all his might. It is this resistance that made it difficult for the officer to remove him and, ultimately, a contributing factor to his severe injury.

As he resisted and the officer pulled, the passenger ended up falling face-first into the armrest of the seat across the aisle. I think he broke his nose and lost some teeth in the fall.

Because this incident was captured on film, it immediately became a case study for social media mavens and novices alike to dissect. The majority were appalled by United’s behavior – understandably – but there were a decent number of people who demanded the law enforcement agency take some responsibility and an even smaller number who had opinions about the man’s behavior.

Without much to form an opinion on beyond the smartphone videos and initial reports – keep in mind that is all anyone not on the flight had to work with – I placed myself in all three of those aforementioned groups. And in that order as I slowly collected my thoughts on the shocking event.

First: Holy shit, is that how overbookings are handled?! I never want to fly United if that’s how they treat paying customers.

Second: Oh, that officer isn’t a United employee? So who’s crazy directive was he following to engage in such violent measures?

Third: Sure, getting bumped to a much later flight really sucks, but is that appropriate behavior for a grown-ass adult?

Everyone seemed to be shying away from that third point.

I couldn’t help but think about what I would do in this situation. Sure, I would be pissed, maybe throw some verbiage at the United agents, maybe shed a tear. Ok, probably both… in that order… and lots of tears. And United’s 1-800 number would probably hear a lot from me until I received what I considered to be reasonable remuneration for my inconvenience – and that’s after they accommodated me overnight and then on the next available flight.

But what I would also do is stand up and walk myself off the plane because that’s what a federal officer has asked me to do. Sure, I don’t mind breaking the law to stick it to a behemoth corporation (e.g. trying to sneak into Disney World as a late teen in defiance of its outrageous prices). But in a situation of this magnitude and that affects a large number of people, I’m going to obey the law – even if I’m not in the wrong.

I get it, the law is absurd. Actually, what is the law even? And to be honest, sometimes there isn’t even a law being enforced, as we’ve seen unfortunately in numerous recent police brutality cases.

But if a government officer with a badge and a gun is asking me to disembark the plane, I’m going to do it – just like this man and his family did when they found themselves in a similar situation with Delta shortly after the United incident. He stood his ground, stated his rights, complained, reminded the airline he had purchased the seat, even threw out some curse words, but ultimately he decided to get off the plane – and his wife seconded that decision.

Yes, it’s super shitty that airlines are allowed to overbook and then kick paying customers off. It’s even shittier that they can treat these customers like crap. It’s maddening that these companies get away with it and are rarely held accountable – just for an extra buck to pad their billions.

On a greater level, this is so wrong. And on a smaller level, in the Boeing 737 that was leaving Chicago that day, it was so wrong.

While I by no means think this man deserved the brutality he received – even though some of my friends seem to think I do merely because I posted an opinion that wasn’t aligned with the sympathetic majority – he’s earned the award for best dramatic performance in my book. And a gazillion dollars in an out-of-court settlement with United.

As appeared on

At first, it was my friend’s all-caps, double-exclamation-mark Facebook post that motivated me to look closer at the article she was sharing. But then it was the headline that fully pulled me in: “Society is creating a new crop of alpha women who are unable to love.”

Finally, someone had defined the way I felt as an independent, strong (read: bossy) female who has been single exactly seven years this month.

Or so I assumed based on the title of the article.

The article was actually an excerpt from a book accompanied by a video clip from Fox News’ “Fox & Friends.” Author Suzanne Venker was being profiled for her controversial tome, The Alpha Female’s Guide to Men & Marriage, and its idea of the alpha female’s role in a relationship — or lack of, rather.

It’s that latter caveat to which Venker dedicates most of the video and excerpt. It’s also the part that didn’t sit well with me, especially considering I had clicked into an article that seemed to describe me so well in its 14-word headline. In the simplest sense, this woman was basically saying that women need to be the more submissive “betas” and allow men to have control as the natural “alphas.”

“The goal is to get one of each, but if [the female] is bringing alpha energy to the table, and he’s alpha by nature because he has all the testosterone, you’re going to be like two bulls in a China shop,” Venker explained in the Fox News spot. “If you want him to be the more feminine person in the relationship, I guess you could do that, but that usually doesn’t work for most people because women are naturally feminine.”

I immediately thought of all the testosterone-less men I’ve dated over the years, ones who were far from those she described as the norm. I also thought of all the stay-at-home dads that exist today in support of their wives’ career pursuits. While I agree that a relationship needs a balance of opposites, Venker seems convinced that the men are always the alpha and, thus, women can’t and even shouldn’t be.

Venker: Women need to revert to beta status

After women stopped being groomed to be wives and started being groomed to be leaders, which is what’s happening today, Venker says men controlled the relationship: from calling a girl and paying for a meal to even proposing. Although she still claims “almost all relationships start that way” — which seems part delusional and part storybook fantasy in this day and age — she says women soon shift to the alpha mode, which then confuses the men. At that point, problems arise, there is “a lot of contention” and “the relationship starts to deteriorate.” Venker saw this happen between her parents, her mother being the quintessential alpha wife.

“An alpha wife micromanages, delegates and makes most or even all of the decisions. She is, quite simply, the Boss.”

By the time I finished watching the spot and reading the excerpt, I was infuriated. Now I understood my Facebook friend’s all-capped comment with swear words and double exclamation points.

Was this woman living under a rock?! In what day and age do men always make the first call and pay for dates? And in what world are all men testosterone-filled? Does she truly believe, after all we’ve accomplished as women — ability to vote, work, earn executive titles — that women need to revert to being submissive and serving their husbands? It sure sounded like it.

Is my ‘alphaness’ actually the problem?

As much as I was infuriated about her portrayal of strong women and how we are the ones causing problems in relationships, I couldn’t help but think about how I’ve been single for so long and how many of my past relationships didn’t work out because I am so independent and set in my ways. I ended up with guys who saw something in me but ultimately couldn’t handle my need for space, time alone or with other friends (both female and male) and decision-making that didn’t involve them. One after another, I called each of the relationships off.

While I don’t buy into most of Venker’s wild assumptions, accusations and generalizations, I do wonder if my “alphaness” is making it difficult for me to find love. I understand that two alphas may find themselves butting heads, but why did my relationships fail when I often found myself with betas? We had the balance of masculine-feminine energies that Venker spoke of (but with me in the masculine role), yet each one ended sooner than the last.

And why was I ending up with this type in the first place, when their neediness so starkly contrasted my independence and what I wanted out of a significant other?

If I looked to Venker for the answer, she would say I need to get in touch with my feminine side, that I need to change.

“We’re constantly pointing fingers at the men, when we’re the ones who are actually the problem,” she said so matter-of-factly in the news spot. “If you exude positive, feminine energy, they’re very responsive. If you’re coming in with negativity, or hardness rather, they recoil; they don’t want it. The husband needs from the women softness instead of hardness, happiness instead of anger, more compliance and less dictatorial.”

So because I’m an independent, strong female, I’m a negative, hard, angry dictator. Well when you put it like, then I probably do need to change. No wonder my relationships don’t work out!

Search for balance continues

With all the author’s outrageous talk aside, I’ll admit I may actually struggle with embracing my feminine side. I rarely let a man help me or take care of me, I often shut down their compliments and I’m also quite competitive. I’ve always believed I can take care of myself, and I’d rather do things my way. I am one of those aforementioned females raised by an alpha mother to be a leader, not a wife.

So as I strive to be a leader and do things my way, do I knock down anything that comes in my path, including men who are interested in courting me? Venker quotes Jackie Kennedy in her book: “There are two kinds of women: those who want power in the world, and those who want power in bed.” Am I so focused on my personal power goals that I’m not making room in my life for a powerful relationship?

While I won’t be buying Venker’s self-help book, I appreciate the self-reflection it has incited. And as I put myself out there in the vicious world of dating — that to Venker’s likely surprise mainly involves texting rather than calling — I will definitely be more conscious of the energy I’m putting into a relationship.

So although I’m not going to change who I am for a man just because some deranged “culture critic” says to, I will more willingly contribute to the necessary balance in my future relationships.

Facebook friends shared my outrage after seeing the post on my news feed.

November 30, 2016

“Are you here for ayahuasca?” I was asked on multiple occasions during my visit to Iquitos. Despite being called “The Gateway to the Amazon,” many young tourists only know Iquitos for the popular brew that comes out of the nearby jungle. I, on the other hand, had only briefly heard of ayahuasca and was there 100% for the Amazon. I didn’t know much about ayahuasca, but the couple horror stories I had heard were enough to turn me off.

Ayahuasca is a tea made of a particular root and leaves by shamen who use it as a traditional spiritual medicine in ceremonies among the Indigenous peoples of Amazonia. The name comes from the Quechua language spoken in the Andes, where it’s been used among tribes for more than 5,000 years.

From the little I had heard, it gave people an intense high, a sense of euphoria. “It’ll change your life,” hippies and punks on the streets of Iquitos would say.

Here’s what Wikipedia has to say: “People who have consumed ayahuasca report having spiritual revelations regarding their purpose on earth, the true nature of the universe as well as deep insight into how to be the best person they possibly can. This is viewed by many as a spiritual awakening and what is often described as a rebirth. In addition, it is often reported that individuals feel they gain access to higher spiritual dimensions and make contact with various spiritual or extra-dimensional beings who can act as guides or healers.”

Ok, so that doesn’t sound too bad, right? Almost sounds pretty wonderful, so you’re probably wondering what deterred me.

Here’s what the next paragraph in Wikipedia says: “Vomiting can follow ayahuasca ingestion… Others report purging in the form of nausea, diarrhea, and hot/cold flashes. The ingestion of ayahuasca can also cause significant, but temporary, emotional and psychological distress… ayahuasca may increase pulse rates and blood pressure, or interact with other medicines taken, such as antidepressants.”

This is consistent with what I heard that immediately deterred me. The thought of a group of people vomiting in a room together sounds absolutely horrendous. And not actually being one of the high vomiters could be worse, because then you’re stuck listening, watching and smelling it all during the lengthy ceremony (several hours to 2 days). If the brew doesn’t work its “magic” on you, then you’re just a spectator to this literal shit show.

Despite, people come in droves for the experience. So much that centers are popping up throughout the region and prices are skyrocketing. Like any “it” drug, ayahuasca has become a global craze. This has indigenous tribes worried about the dilution and monetization of their tradition, especially as unqualified people start conducting the ceremonies.

It has me thinking about the people who do ayahuasca. I’m not going to judge their character or try to say my thoughts and observations apply to everyone who’s tried it. I just couldn’t help but form some opinions about the people who approached me about it on the street or those who never left Iquitos because of how it’s “changed their life.”

Before visiting Iquitos, I had obviously done research about the best places to visit the Amazon jungle. I read in Lonely Planet – my go-to travel resource, in print of course – that a lot of expats ended up settling in Iquitos. I took this to mean that a lot of foreigners liked the city; thus, it must have a lot to offer and there must be a decent number of English-speakers there. So in my planning, I set aside two days to explore the city.

That ended up being a mistake. I realized very quickly after stepping foot outside my hotel on the first day of exploring that there wasn’t actually much to do or see in the city. All the sites and sounds and activities were outside the city, in the jungle (duh!). So really all I did on that first day was eat and drink, while leveraging the WiFi at the respective eateries.

While having a beer at one of those eateries I met a rattled Australian woman about twice my age. She had just arrived to Iquitos to both a hostel and a city that were much different than what she saw online. She too had understood the city to be worth visiting, just to be gravely disappointed. Aside from needing a drink to ease the day’s stress, she was also “looking for the first boat out of town.”

So why were foreigners like us being caught off guard by the gritty, underwhelming city, while others love it so much they go so far as to establish roots?

That question was later answered while I was eating at the popular expat restaurant, Dawn on the Amazon Cafe. An American at a table nearby started chatting with me about my travels. “I came for the ayahuasca seven years ago and never left.” After she left, a group of “artists” sat her table and also started chatting with me. “Are you here for the ayahuasca?” I shook my head no. “You should try it; it’ll change your life.”

The chatty guy’s (much older) friend was nursing a fresh juice, still hungover from the night before. When I told them I was from LA, their eyes lit up and they started trying to sell me other drugs. Lovely. Because I was a foreigner, I must be there for the ayahuasca, and because I was from LA, I must be into partying and drugs. I wasn’t offended by the LA assumption – I’m obviously not originally from there and, instead, choose to personify with my native state. But the assumption about ayahuasca was annoying because it means that foreigners looking for the experience are in such abundance now that everyone is just thrown in the same pot. It’s assumed that all the nonnatives are here for the ayahuasca, rather than the amazing experience right across the river that the city used to be known for: the Amazon. Even locals like the party boys at the restaurant quickly dismissed it for the region’s new main attraction.

Though I am disappointed, I am not surprised. That’s the way it works everywhere. Monetization and globalization of ayahuasca is inevitable. Heck, the native state I proudly hail from has gone through its own evolution. The legalization of marijuana in Colorado has already caused quite an uproar – both positive and negative – and it has already given back millions to state schools in the form of tax dollars. But the price that comes with it, is the assumption that if you’re from Colorado you must be a pothead. I am not, but it has given me a perspective for viewing the situation in Iquitos.

Still, I’ll take the humidity and bugs of the jungle any day. And so that was what the Australian and I did.


“I feel like you don’t appreciate me.”

My breathe stopped short and I rewinded the dialog in my head to make sure I had heard her correctly. I was on a weekly – ok, more like semiweekly these days – call with my mom during my lunch hour. Like normal, we had to cut it short because one of us had to get back to work. So not only did my amazing, strong, caring, generous mother just tell me that she felt like I didn’t appreciate her – it had been weighing on her mind for awhile actually – but we also didn’t have time to discuss the matter or what I could do to rectify her feelings.

Not an hour later, I was sitting in an annual performance review with my boss as he reminded me that as the manager of a team that often feels neglected by executive management, I needed to make sure they always felt appreciated. There it was again: appreciation. He and I agreed that I actually do a good job of it, but he emphasized it as a key aspect of building and sustaining a successful team in a department where burnout, low pay and turnover are common.

Feeling appreciated (or not) was an apparent theme that afternoon. I didn’t express my appreciation to my mom nearly enough, but I made it clear among my team (to whom I represented their office mom). Meanwhile, they still felt unappreciated by our company’s higher-ups.

To me, not showing appreciation is equivalent to taking someone or something for granted. And I will be the first to say that I probably take a lot of people and fortunes in my life for granted. My family is likely right there at the top; my close friends too. So although my mom chalked her feelings up to not hearing from me enough and not getting unsolicited thank yous from me whenever she sent a card or package, I knew it came down to me taking her for granted. I consider my immediate family and I very close, even if phone calls to my sister and brother are more infrequent than those to my mom. But I will easily take an opportunity to go to the gym, out for drinks or see a band over calling one of them to catch up. I rest on the “fact” that I can always call them another time and that they’ll always be there. In reality, they may not always be there.

Also in reality, I appreciate my family and friends very much. I appreciate my sister for making me laugh and being an inspiration and always opening her home to me. I appreciate my brother for keeping me young and being such a considerate young man and giving me someone to explore with. Most of all, I appreciate my mother; I appreciate her for being a rock for us kids to lean on, for supporting us through college and beyond, for visiting me every year, for being my concert buddy and for always insisting on paying despite me being a capable adult with a grown-up job. I haven’t done a very good job of expressing my appreciation for them, and these few lines have only skimmed the surface.

While I’ve done a better job of showing my appreciation for my beloved team of exceptional editors, I know I can do better – and I know the executive managers can do better. Editors by nature often get neglected because they’re at the bottom of the the production chain; their work is considered nonessential and, thus, of lower value. But even though these societal conditions exist, it doesn’t mean my staff should feel unappreciated. I appreciate them for being an amazing support system and helping me enjoy my job day after day and leaving me confident that our work will get done on time and as expected. Even if the company’s leaders don’t express their appreciation enough, it exists: they appreciate my staff for working hard to meet their goals so we have a product to sell (basis of the company’s existence!), for producing high-quality work and for excelling in an area that no one else in the company does.

Without taking the focus off my shortcoming, I think it’s very easy for anyone to neglect the people they love or fail to show appreciation for things they might not otherwise be afforded. It’s very easy to get caught up in a daily routine, to be “too busy” or to think that there’s always tomorrow. But it’s so important to go out of your way, make the time, take those opportunities. And I say that as a perfect example of someone who needs to better express my appreciation and not take life for granted.

“Mom, I DO appreciate you!”

ImageI’m having a hard time coming to terms with all the friends I’ve been losing (or am scared of losing) over recent years – and I’m not talking about the handful of female friends who are no longer in my life following dramatic fallouts. My clear inability to judge strong character and habit of allowing those types of people into my life is a blog post for another time. What I’m talking about are the friends I lose to significant others, particularly my close guy friends when they get girlfriends. I barely have enough fingers on my hands to count the number of guy friends this has happened with.

I’m pretty nontraditional compared to most dating girls in that I generally think like I guy. (Full disclosure: I’m not in a relationship at the moment, so there may be a degree of natural bias.) I don’t need to check in with my boyfriend every hour, I don’t need to see him everyday and I need my alone and girl times just as much as he needs time for himself and his guys. Unfortunately for my girlfriends, I have a hard time relating or understanding when they come to me with qualms about their significant others not checking in enough or wanting a guys’ weekend.

That nature of mine is a blessing and a curse. Because I recognize that I’m not a traditional girlfriend, I know that the odds of my friends’ ladies being a traditional girlfriend with much more influence on his life are high. But it also leaves me frustrated that these good friends of mine disappear into their relationships. (Of course this a very simplistic way of putting it, and there is much more to it.) What is it about these guys that keeps them maintaining our friendship?


The guy is as much to blame as the possessive girlfriend
As much as I would like to point my finger at the girlfriend’s insecurities and resulting possessiveness for why my guy friend has gone MIA, that’s not fair. I think it’s equally due to the guy’s character (who wears the pants in the relationship?). And maybe it’s really just guys in general. Guys aren’t as good about keeping in touch, catching up or making plans. So when a distraction in the form of a girlfriend comes along, those things that they weren’t very good at to begin with fall by the wayside.

Coupledom means more “we’re going to stay in tonight”
I’d be inclined to say it’s partly because as a couple’s relationship progresses they become less social and are more comfortable staying in because they have each other. But’s “Singles in America” study says otherwise. In fact, couples go out just about as much as singles do – 46 percent versus 52 percent, respectively, go out one to three nights a week. Here’s the fine print (or what I think it is, anyway): Those outings are probably with each other or with other couples; it’s not hanging out with their single friends who were such a huge part of their lives before they got reeled in. I was at a house party over the weekend, and I kid you not, I was one of three single people among eight couples! But I don’t want to go too far off a tangent; being surrounded by so many couples and engagements and weddings and new parents these days is also a post for another time.


You say guys and girls can’t be friends?!
I’d be fooling myself if I said the disappearing acts had nothing to do with the fact that maybe there was an attraction, sexual tension or potential for moving out of the platonic realm at some point in the friendship. Maybe there’s some history that makes it hard to continue a friendship once the guy finds his true partner. Or if it’s not a complicated history, then maybe the guy was investing so much time into the friendship before because he thought there may be a chance for more, whether it was in the form of future dates or a romping session. Some people say guys don’t want to be simply friends, and that they’re only dedicating time to a woman because they want to be with her or bang her. One of the guy friends I lost to a girlfriend likened this to “putting money in the bank” knowing there would eventually be an opportunity to “cash out.” And others say that guys and girls can’t be friends. But I disagree with both of those claims – and so does Psychology Today.

The belief that men and women can’t be friends comes from another era in which women were at home and men were in the workplace, and the only way they could get together was for romance,” explained Linda Sapadin, a psychologist in Valley Stream, New York. “Now they work together and share sports interests and socialize together.” This cultural shift has encouraged psychologists, sociologists and communications experts to put forth a new message: Though it may be tricky, men and women can successfully become close friends.


See! We can be friends despite the fact you had a secret crush on me or we made out in a drunken stupor or you wanted to date me and I didn’t feel the same way. The fact that we became so close to begin with says something, so even though we didn’t end up together doesn’t mean we can’t remain part of each others lives while you’re in a relationship.

A guy might actually be committed?!
I get that a couple wants to spend time together (duh!) and so my friend’s free time will become increasingly limited. Someone on an online forum did a good job of putting that into perspective: “If your goal is to find someone and hope to have it eventually turn into a long-term relationship, it’s normal to invest a lot of time into that person. That shows you’re serious about looking for a commitment.” I have a hard time believing that my guy friends’ disappearances are solely due to their commitment to their women, though. I don’t need Rutgers University’s “National Marriage Project” stats to tell me that most guys don’t like commitment. But I get that they truly want to spend more time with these amazing women who have come into their lives. I just don’t understand why friendships with people, even people who have been around much longer than the new significant other, have to take a backseat to such a substantial degree.

ImageThe guy (girl?) on the forum summed it up well: “It’s a tough adjustment all around. Hopefully those in relationships remember the value of good friends and make time when they can. And hopefully their friends are true friends who respect that they’re looking for a relationship and don’t guilt them for taking time away.”

I can respect when a good guy friend of mine finds someone he clicks with so well that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. I can respect that the relationship takes a lot of time and effort, and so I will be more conscious about giving them space to do that. In return, I just ask that my guy friends not forget about the other important females in their lives even though they now have a No. 1.

                                                                    Hi, remember me? I miss you friend.

Thanks Adi Zarsadias for a great piece that totally resonates with me.
I took your words and came up with some of my own.

She’s the one with the messy unkempt hair colored by the sun. Her skin is now far from fair like it once was. Not even sun kissed. It has tan lines, freckles, scars and battle wounds. But for every flaw on her skin, she has an interesting story to tell.

Don’t date a girl who travels. She is hard to please. The usual dinner-movie date at the mall will suck the life out of her. Her soul craves for new experiences and adventures. She will be unimpressed with your flashy, new material things. She would rather climb a rock or jump out of an airplane than to spend money on “things” that will be outdated in five months. She would rather reminisce about past adventures and dream about those to come, than hear you brag about your penthouse on Wall Street.

Don’t date a girl who travels because she will bug you to check the latest music festival lineup. She will ask you to see another Dave Matthews Band show, because 25 isn’t enough. She doesn’t care about partying at Rehab or getting into the latest clubs because she knows that one weekend of clubbing is equivalent to one week somewhere far more exciting.

Don’t date a girl who travels because she will be gone with the next airline seat sale. She lives paycheck to paycheck to fund her jet-setting ways. And she only works so she has the funds. She doesn’t want to keep working her ass off for someone else’s dream. She has her own and is working toward it. She is a freelancer. She makes money from designing, writing, photography or something that requires creativity and imagination. But she doesn’t work like a robot all day, she goes out and takes what life has to offer and challenges you to do the same.

Don’t date a girl who travels for she has chosen a life of uncertainty. She doesn’t have a long-term plan or a permanent address. She goes with the flow and follows her heart. She dances to the beat of her own drum. She rarely wears a watch. And when she does, she never checks the time. Her days are ruled by the sun and the moon. When the world calls, life stops and she will be oblivious to everything else for a moment.

Don’t date a girl who travels because she will never need you – or at least will say she doesn’t need help. She knows how to change a flat tire, pitch a tent and can carry all her own gear. She eats well and doesn’t need you to pay for her meals. She is too independent. Although she hopes you will travel with her, your absence won’t keep her from booking that flight. She will forget to check in with you when she arrives at her destination. She’s busy living in the present. She talks to strangers. She will meet many interesting, like-minded people from around the world who share her passion and dreams.

So never date a girl who travels unless you can keep up with her. And if you unintentionally fall in love with one, don’t you dare hold her back. Let her go.


Please note: Portions of this post were written by Adi Zarsadias.