I know, I know, I haven’t written in a few weeks. I’m just going to blame it on the holidays. I planned to post my annual goals this week like I did last year now that a new year is upon us. But that post is going to have to wait. Tonight I received some shocking news that I can’t get out of my head and has left me very troubled. Without getting into the harsh e-mail that I received, I’m simply going to say that it questioned my character as a person and a friend.
Instead of getting work done or going to bed like I should be, I sit here reading this e-mail over and over, now personally questioning my character. Am I malicious? Am I dishonest? Am I not a genuine and loyal friend? Being told that I am these things really bothers me. For one, it hurts knowing that someone sees me in this negative light, and two, it hurts thinking that I could actually be this way. I try to be a good person, a good friend, a good daughter, a good sister, a good girlfriend (when the chance arises). But maybe I’m not. Am I a bad person?
If I need to and am going to work on my character, now is the time to do it, with a new year ahead of me to devote to this resolution. I want to be a good person. I want to be a better listener, a harder worker, a stronger mentor, a more caring friend. I want to be more flexible, more available, less selfish, more understanding, more considerate, more open-minded. But most of all, I want to be me. I want to be a better person without losing who I am, without entirely sacrificing my being and without allowing others to walk all over me.
So, as I compile my list of goals for 2011, I’m going to put some serious thought into those that involve improving my character. Any suggestions are appreciated. As always, thanks for reading and listening.
One thought on “Am I a bad person?”
I understand not wanting to lose who “you” are, and staying true to yourself, but maybe that’s what being a better person is all about, is realizing who you are and what you need to change.
Just because you make changes to your personality, style, or way of living, doesn’t mean you’re going to lose who you are, you’ll just become who you want to become. If you become so concerned with not losing yourself, the changes you make are just temporary and not worth the effort.